so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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