did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
