Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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