This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
