I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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