I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just cropdusted the office
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
