Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
