this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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