Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
