I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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