I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
