D3 body, D1 cock
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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