the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
