She announced her abortion via fbk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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