is your mom at the bar?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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