At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
