yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
