Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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