I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
