his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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