hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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