and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
