I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
