You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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