She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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