About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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