I hate your face
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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