I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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