Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
