Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
