Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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