I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
