I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
