Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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