he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
