i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
