The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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