the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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