I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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