its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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