bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
