its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
