I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
