There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
