This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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