I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
