What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
