Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
