i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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