OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
